I Need You, Maine.

I’ve had a bad week between trying to fix a virus that has metastasized throughout every file I have ever posted to my blog and having pre-cancerous spots zapped off my face. You know what would turn this week around? … Continue reading

I Had An Incredible Title But I Forgot It

I once drove 50 miles to work, sat down at my desk, and opened my bag to discover my company-issued laptop was gone.  The instant I saw the cavernous space in my bag, my mind unreeled its footage of my … Continue reading

Attachment Parenting

Attachment Parenting wrinkles your clothes and afflicts you with Scoliosis. Helicopter Parenting is exhausting not to mention irritating to those at the playground. Post 9/11, it’s really difficult to get your pilot’s license anyway. Co-Parenting lives in a far away … Continue reading

The Average Couple Tackling Cosmo’s 30 Day Sex Challenge

Day 1: Are we going to actually start this challenge right now? Or just wait till tomorrow? I have to be limber for pilates in the morning so let’s wait till tomorrow. Day 2: Okay, that was nice. Day 3: … Continue reading

Slow Down Before You Blow An Aorta

LoveSex. These words are emblazoned vertically on the leg of the sweatpants worn by the woman beside me on the elliptical machine. She’s probably had better luck securing free personal training than I’ve had with my own exercise pants, which … Continue reading

To The Mothers…

Happy Sleep 14 Extra Minutes Day! Happy Your Husband Can’t Bitch About Brunch Day! Happy Burnt Toast and Dandelion Day! Happy Your Acknowledgement Is Over By 9:15am Day! Happy Why Exactly Are We Taking a Hike Day! Happy You Got Some Shit Made Out of Construction Paper Day! Happy You’re Still Changing 8 … Continue reading

Co-What?

I once worked with a woman who firmly held to the notion of co-parenting. She and her husband rotated 24 hour caregiving shifts, each transitioning every other day into active duty. Every ride to school, every packed lunch, every nocturnal … Continue reading

He Told Me I Was Special And Different

I’ve spent a week considering whether I’d like to keep a tooth or have it pulled. There is good reason this sort of procedure is not included in the pages of women’s magazines dedicated to Uncovering Your Sexiest Self. In fact, … Continue reading