How I Got Like This

My friend, Amy Wilson, is one of those women who causes me to scratch my head and contemplate how it is she is able to write a book, star in her own one-woman show, and raise three children in the time it takes me to find my car keys and a valid postage stamp. She recently went through an interesting writing exercise in which she selected pieces that fulfilled certain criteria, like ‘most controversial’ and ‘most helpful.’ It was an eye-opening walk through her work because she really covers a breadth of topics much more expansive than mine.  This created a problem since she asked me to follow suit with my own selections. I went back through my blog and deduced the following:

I am the one trick-est pony there ever was.

I don’t have treatments on a spectrum of subjects and experiences. I don’t really stir the pot much or write anything prescriptive. Unless you want a Tylenol PM speedball. I don’t really write anything beautiful.

I only try to make you laugh. I leave the heady allegory and the gorgeous turn of phrase to far more capable writers. I remain in the shallow waters that I am comfortable in, straining to bring out your wry smile. My only aim is that you leave feeling a little more buoyant than when you showed up.

In lieu of my seven pieces, I listed seven personal facts that few people know. These things may give you more insight into my personality and background than seven pieces I have written.

I come from a line of women who do not know how to French braid but who can hypnotize a room with their stories

I learned how to parallel park with a John Deere and two hay bales

My uncle was the surgeon who performed John Bobbit’s reattachment surgery

Reading Vanity Fair on a stationary treadmill once a week is my cardio

I’ve been a vegetarian for longer than I can remember yet I have dreams about having intercourse with fried chicken

I would go to Jenny Craig weigh-ins every day if it meant I could share a meal of diet food with Carrie Fisher

Like the TV character Felicity, I moved across the country for a guy who wanted nothing to do with me. When I quit my first job in an act of desperation, I decided to re-watch the entire series (one show per day) and moments after the final episode wrapped, I was offered a job that turned into a career that mattered to me

Now please go visit Amy’s blog because it is amazing what some people can turn out with a keyboard and a cup of coffee. She also highlights a handful of other blogs that I find to be feats of wit.